studiojek

I also think you sending her a letter when you're away is incredibly sweet, good for you.

I think it's right to raise your kids to help other people, and of course the best way to teach them is through example. However, I don't think it's right to have expectations of other people. Just because you (the general "you") is raised to help doesn't mean everyone has been, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad people, just maybe it's not something they were taught or even think about.

Arielle, welcome back! I remember how horrible it was my first year of college that I had 8am classes on the other side of campus three times a week! I pretty much slept in my clothes to cut time off getting ready in the morning! So I know how relieved you must be to have 1pm classes!

cshapiro

I'm having some trouble getting my sympathy going this morning.  I drove to work in -15 weather at 6am.  I have meetings at 7 and begin rounds by 8am.  All this to be at my office by 9 for my first patient(who is running late so I have a few minutes to catch my breath.)  Life is tough, up at noon to wake to the endless sunshine of Florida.  Enjoy it while you can but don't get to used to it.  I know you want to go to med school and all med schools start at 7:30 or 8am latest.  It gets worse as an intern but even in fourth year you can have seminars at 5:30 or 6:00am.  Have a good term.

serena75

Quote:

Originally posted by waterlilybarb at 6/1/2009 03:30  
Yes, I would feel the same.  I was expected to help others when I was a teen, and I'm happy I did.  If I saw the neighbours had a daughter out shovelling rather than a son, I would know she was old en ...

Thank you for answering. Sorry if I offended you in any way, that was not my intention. Maybe your neighbor doesn't think you need any help, and that's why he's not offering. Just a thought.

I always try to offer my help to others, if I can. I have a different problem, though. I'm having difficulty accepting help from others. If someone asks me (no matter who it is) if I need help with something, I get really irritated. That's probably because I want to do things myself, and get frustrated if people think I can't do them. Maybe I'm just stubborn. Or maybe it has something to do with me coping with my rheumatism. It's not visible on the outside, but those who know about it often offer their help. But I'm working on letting others helping me

waterlilybarb

No worries.  I wasn't offended at all.  I too have a chronic illness, and am caring for my mother who is very ill.  I have no trouble accepting help when offered.  I do most everything for myself, but know that sometimes people help as a way to show they care.  I never turn down their genuine offers because I don't want to rob them of the joy it gives to feel helpful.  I know from experience that sometimes one doesn't know what to do to help - so doing chores that may take a bit more energy is a practical way of helping without feeling pushy.

Now - how is everyone today?  And welcome back Arielle!   Sorry - I can't muster any sympathy for you either over the extra warm winter you're having. It's very cold here today.  

serena75

Being stubborn may have it's advantages too. I don't think I would even get out of bed in the morning, if I wasn't. But it has a downside too, of course.
I wasn't thinking about how it makes others feel when they're helping me, so thank you. To me, if feels like they're feeling sorry for me, and I really don't want that. But if it makes them feel better, just by helping me... then maybe I could accept the help

waterlilybarb

It took me quite some time to be able to accept help more easily.  I too was always a very self-sufficent person and was one used to being the helper not the one who was in need of help.  My Mum reminded me (especially when I first was ill) of how happy it had always made me to do something for someone else (it still does), which helped me a lot in learning to accept help.  For things I am completely capable of, I let those who offer know that I can do those things, but offer a suggestion of something else that they could do for me that would be of practical assistance, and also doesn't take advantage of their kindness.

serena75

Thank you for your advice. I've had chronic illnesses for a long time, but never thought about it that way before. Say Thank You from me to your mother for me
I hope she will get better.

shinny

Hey all. I have a dentist appt this afternoon and I'm not looking forward to it (who does in fairness!?) - I had my top wisdom tooth taken out back in September but some of it didn't come out. At the time the dentist told me that it would "work itself out" - It didn't and has been giving me trouble on and off. So I will be glad to get it sorted.

I just hate the dentist !! I had a bad experience when I was younger and no matter how many nice dentists I've met since, I still dread the thoughts of going.

shinny

So, back from the Dentist and it's not going to work itself out because it's the actual root of the wisdom tooth. I have to go to the dental hospital next week to have it surgically removed along with the other 3 or at least 2 of the others. He said one of my bottom ones (which are worse to be removed) is impacted, but also right beside a nerve, so they might not remove it.

I am not looking forward to this. I have pretty high pain threshold, but I won't be able to eat for a few days!!

bala

Sorry i didn't get back to you on what you said but i don't have a problem helping people and i do have manners and will help people in need. it's the people not in need i was discussing. if they capable

Quote:

It should be expected to help people in need.

yes i agree with you but we were talking about people who don't need help. your bring different situation into the discussion. it's different issue from my perspective.

Quote:

I think it is important to hold the door for people and say thank you and please.

yes i do that when i see woman with toddler or elderly person or even person wants come into the place.
I don't do it everytime if i see young person i just leave it.

themegababe

Shinny... I bet you will be fine. I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out at once. And I do not really remember too much pain (they put me under, and I woke up to them being gone). My Biggest suggestion tho.... ICE ICE ICE!  The day of surgery, you will be so drugged up that you wont feel any pain (you actually wont feel anything on your face. My mom laughed at me because she fed me chef boyardee and i had it all over my face, because I couldn't feel where my mouth was, to put the spoon!) haha  Anyways, I did the whole 15 minutes on 15 minutes off of ice (wrapped in a towel, of course). And I had practically no swelling, where I had friends who looked like Buzz Lightyear. So yeah, ice the first day and you probably wont swell or feel much pain.  Still sucks tho.

Cshapiro that is such a cute thing for your wife.  Once, when Matt and I were dating, I left him a little envelope with a  note for each day. Some had bible verses and others just a little hello, but he said it was cool that i was thinking about him!  And for my bday ( I think I probably said this 20 pages ago)  he put post its around the house with notes about what he loves about me (ie my cooking in the kitchen, our vacations on a picture from our honeymoon).  It was the sweetest thing ever!

cshapiro

I'm sorry you got the impression that the whole rant was at you.  I certainly didn't want to imply you didn't have manners.  I was just making the point that just because helping people sometimes creates expectations of you, I don't think it should discourage you.  I think in a civilized society it should be expected to be helpful and we should try to meet these expectations.  I personally believe kindness is a state of mind and I teach my children to make it their habit.  I hold the door for anybody, I don't try to figure out if this person deserves it or not.  I know some people do try to take advantage but most people don't like to ask for help and if they are asking it's because they really need it.  I find it's best to just grin and bear it even when someone is being inconsiderate.  An example of this happened last Sunday night.  Everyone on my street knows I'm a doctor and I try to help out in an emergency or if someone is trying to decide whether or not to go to the ER.  In a pinch, after hours, I am happy to look in a few ears or write a prescription.  Last Sunday, I was just sitting down to dinner with my family when the doorbell rings.  It's a neighbor asking if I can see her for something.  I invited her in, she told me her problem and then I asked her how long it has been bothering her and she answers "three weeks".  For 3 weeks she couldn't be bothered to see a doctor and now during my dinner time with my family on a Sunday evening she decided "it's time".  While I think she was taking advantage of me a bit, she still was suffering and I felt it was best to help than to refuse.  I preferred to err on the side of kindness.  If she was ringing my bell, something must have been bothering her to motivate her to do it.  In the end I think it's a better example for my children and it takes a lot to counter the message of selfishness that is all around us.

imarielle626

from what I've heard the recovery for the surgery isn't so bad.  I still have to get mine out too, I just haven't been able to find a good time.  Some advice I have been given (as weird as it may sound I've been told it helps) is to take a D or DD bra and put a bag of ice wrapped in a towel in each cup then secure it to your head so the ice is on either side of your mouth.  It may look goofy, but that way you don't have to sit with the ice in your hands and have your hands free to do whatever.

meljones_83

It's nice to know that kindness hasn't died!

I know the discussion's been going on for a while but I do agree that it's important to show kindness without discrimination as you never know all the facts or the circumstances behind the way a person may react to something. I would rather know that I had been a good person and done what I could, even if it turned out the other person was taking advantage (this reminds me of the TV show golden balls for anyone who's seen it! Although logically it is always best to steal as your winnings depend on the other person, my morals would always tell me to split so as not to lose my integrity. Not sure if it's just a UK show or universal.)

I was taught to respect all other people by my parents and to do nice things just because I can. I think they taught me to feel good about it when I was helpful, I'm not sure that feeling you get is automatic when there's really nothing else in it for you.
I try to teach this to the kids in my class and I will teach my own children if I have any. When I see the way some of the children in the school I work at treat each other, I am quite sure that this is something that has never been taught in their households and I think it's really sad.

meljones_83

Lol, I'l remember that one if I have to have mine out! They play me up every now and again and I might have a sleepless night but my dentist says unless it gets worse it's not worth taking them out. One I think is just still growing and isn't too bad but the other is impacted and has basically left a big hole which is pretty awkward. Quite honestly I think it's probably best to have short term pain and discomfort to get rid of them and have it over with!

[ Last edited by meljones_83 at 1-10-2009 14:02 ]

shinny

Meg, Arielle, thanks for that. I actually wouldn't have thought of the ice, but now that you say it, it really does make sense. Arielle, I'm just laughing at that image of me with an ice filled bra around my head. Hey, if it works, I'll try it. Meg, that must have looked so funny. I know my sis had to get her boyfriend to liquidise everything so she could suck it through a straw!!

:-)

shinny

Mel, I was exactly the same. Actually, when I was about 20 the Dentist I attended at the time told me that my wisdom teeth would give me trouble. I actually have a small mouth and he knew they'd have trouble coming out properly. He advised me to get them out at the time (because you're young blah blah blah), but sure they weren't giving me any trouble, so I didn't bother.

I had trouble with them on and off all through my 20's. Particularly when I was stressed, for some strange reason. They started to really bother me in the last year or so and I left it too long to get this one taken out, that's why it broke. It had weakened so much. The rest of my teeth are all good, except those around the wisdom teeth. My Dentist was explaining that because they are decaying (because they can't come up properly) they risk decaying the teeth around them. Actually, when I get these out I have to go back and get two fillings around the teeth beside my two of my wisdom teeth.

I wish I'd listened when I was 20

waterlilybarb

I vividly remember having my wisdom teeth out.  It was just before I turned 18 and my private insurance was going to expire.  All 4 of mine were impacted, so they did them all at the same time.  The procedure itself wasn't bad, but Meg is right about the ice.  The easiest thing to use is a bag of frozen peas (or something similar).  It's good because it molds to your face and you can keep refreezing it.  Don't eat them though.   The other thing to remember is to follow the instructions on how to keep your mouth clean afterwards.  I was so medicated and sore (I wasn't given the direction to ice it) that, though I did clean my teeth and tried to follow the directions - I wound up with an infection, which was worse than all the other stuff.

Reply 2647#2647 serena75's post

I will thank my mother for you.   And thank you for the kind wishes.

shinny

Thanks. Believe me, I am benefiting from all of your experiences !!

waterlilybarb

Just wanted to say a quick hello.  I won't be around much for a while, but I do stop in and read what folks write, so feel free to continue just chatting about the usual "girlie" things.  

I'll be back as soon as I'm able - just rambling about the random thoughts that pop into my head.  Everyone take care, and I'll catch you all soon.

~Barb