If you're an unapologetic fan of noisy, neck-snapping '80s action movies like me, the slow dribble of plot tidbits and casting crumbs for 2010's The Expendables has no doubt whet your appetite for what's shaping up to be quite possibly the greatest flick of all time. If you're late to the red-meat, rat-a-tat, Reagan-era party, here's what all the excitement is about:
Sylvester Stallone has written and, starting next month, will be directing a throw-back action extravaganza about a lethal posse of ruthless mercenaries who are hired on the sly by the CIA to topple a South American dictator. So far, so good, right? I know what you're thinking: this guy should have retired years ago—some time around Cop Land. But if you coughed up ten bucks to see last year's Rambo (and guessing from its disappointing haul at the box office, I was only one of about a dozen people who did), then you know that Sly can still exterminate with extreme prejudice.
But what really has my inner-13 year old really geeked up is the cast. According to Variety, Stallone will topline the band of not-so-merry he-men along with Jet Li, Jason Statham, UFC goon Randy Couture, and freshly minted Oscar nominee Mickey Rourke. Other possible names being knocked around include Ben Kingsley, who, anyone who's seen Sexy Beast will recall, can play a hair-trigger psycho. Not drooling yet? Ok, here's five more reasons why I'm counting down till The Expendables.
1. Stallone looks scary...in a good way. There are already pre-production photos of Sly floating around the Internet. And he looks totally yoked, covered in tattoos. Yes, the dude may be 62, but in these pics he looks like he could snap Rambo's neck like a dry twig.
2. Statham Unleashed. Has there been a better Cockney tough guy since the Get Carter-era Michael Caine? Granted, his Transporter movies are a little too PG-13 for my sweet tooth, but if you've seen Crank, Death Race, or Snatch, you know there's more mature-audience mayhem simmering inside of him just dying to get out. Hopefully, this is the venue for letting that particular genie out of the bottle.
3. Will Mickey Rourke's comeback continue? Who doesn't want to see what he does next? After destroying his career—and his once-handsome face— his resurrection in The Wrestler has made Rourke one of the most compelling figures in Hollywood. What will he do with his new-found capital? I, for one, think this kind of movie is exactly what he should be doing. I'd rather see him bust some skulls than make a movie with Kate Winslet or Dame Judi Dench.
4. The long-awaited Rocky IV rematch. Stallone and Dolph Lundgren together again! I've been waiting years to write that sentence. Say what you want about Lundgren's direct-to-DVD resume of late (I'm not ashamed to admit that I've kept up with these low-budget cheapies and some of them are surprisingly good), the one-time onscreen knuckle-bruiser and Italian Stallion foe, Ivan Drago, deserves to be the next Mickey Rourke-style reclamation project.
5. The return of the buddy action flick. As Quentin Tarantino cobbles together his intentionally misspelled WWII guys-on-a-mission homage-a-palooza, Inglourious Basterds, Stallone's entry has the benefit of being the stealthy bottom-half of a Dirty Dozen-style double feature. As much as I love watching Jason Bourne taking on the world single-handedly, there's nothing like watching a brawny band of brothers getting their hands covered in blood (think Schwarzenegger's Predator). The world is a dangerous place these days. Maybe, just maybe, it takes a ragtag village of expendable badasses to sort it out.
We'll keep you posted as more news Expendables news comes out, but until then, what do you think? Will this thing rock or what?