casper27

A real mans man hey, I just don't think it will cut the mustard with the future Mrs Bala  I've learn't by experience believe me, Not that im not a gentleman, I just take it as given to walk on the outside of the pavement and open doors. But like I think you were getting at some women do not like you to take the lead in such a way, Im just happy that I have a role to play with the wife who likes a guy to open doors and such.
Manners and respect cost nothing as my mother stills says

waterlilybarb

Exactly Craig!  Your Mum is right.

Bala, as for the kid never offering to help - I think it says a lot about the way he's being raised.  When I was a teen, I WAS expected to shovel the walks of elderly or ill neighbours when I was out doing ours...and I'm a girl.  There's nothing wrong with feeling a little obligated to be helpful.  Personally, I wouldn't expect it all the time, but the offer would be appreciated.

Meg, I agree that doing things for one another is part of marriage - or even a good friendship.  I like doing things for those I love and I also appreciate when they do nice things for me.  I can do things for myself (and DO), but I never take the kind gestures of others for granted or make a man who's being gentlemanly feel like it's unappreciated.

shinny

Nicely said Craig. I think a healthy balance is key and also listening to what your partner likes/dislikes.

Bala, I think the point that Barb was making is that nobody bothers much these days. Why should he bother? Because it's a nice thing to do, that's all. Do something nice for someone and actually it's sort of self serving: It makes you feel good too. That's good for your health, if nothing else !! What goes around, comes around too. I'm a firm believer in that.

I went to Belfast today to get some new furniture. The euro is almost 1:1 with Sterling now which means massive savings for us if we cross over the border. I can't wait for them to be delivered now.

Hey Mel, feeling much better thanks !! My voice came back the other day. Just have a cough now, but I can handle that !!

bala

Quote:

I think it says a lot about the way he's being raised.  When I was a teen, I WAS expected to shovel the walks of elderly or ill neighbours when I was out doing ours...and I'm a girl.  There's nothing wrong with feeling a little obligated to be helpful.  Personally, I wouldn't expect it all the time, but the offer would be appreciated.

i completely agree but problem I've experience at being helpful towards other people is that some people take it for granted , I'm not saying you are but I've come across people you expect this sort behaviour from young people and not even say thank you. my point is there no harm in helping other people as long as the other person is grateful for the help. As with anything in life we many different types of people not everyone is the same.

Secondly have you heard term generation gap?, that explain why you were expected and he not.now a days parents are too busy raise kids so they taught this type of behaviour i was lucky enough taught this but as i got older i realise people will walk over you if you help them too much.

i want make it clear i agree with you barbs he should offered to help but since kid can't defend himself i thought i gave opposing argument as to why he may not helped.

now MR.Casper -i telling you something mrs bala is going really be in for treat .

studiojek

Thanks for the pics Barb! That's a lot of snow!

I just got back from a 10-day vacation wtih my family and am totally jet-lagged but relaxed. Luckily I don't have to go back to work for another few days so I can relax and sleep it off!

Did I miss much around here while I was gone? I see there was some talk of chivalry, some illnesses and laryngitis and lots and lots of cold weather!

waterlilybarb

Hope you had a nice time on your holiday.   It's always nice to have time away with family.

It's been pretty quiet around here.  I think most are busy with the holidays, and those that aren't are just vegging...a la me.   And, yes, we're still having lots of cold weather here, and I have to go out in it today.  I'm just gearing myself up for it.

cshapiro

I got back from Munich on Tuesday night and worked a 24 hour shift on Wednesday for New Years.  Munich was awesome.  The wedding was great and our whole "Boston Family" was there, kids and all.  We got to be together again just like "the old days".  It was over too quick.  There were lots of tears at the airport when we all came home and had to part ways again.  I hope everyone is feeling better from their laryngitis and migraines.  I have to comment on the whole "chivalry" and helping out others topic but it will have to wait until tomorrow.

cshapiro

Thank you for your kind well wishes about my vacation and for your interest.  I have been a mod now since August or there about and you may be a bit out of it but you have always been one of the best mods here.  I know you have a very full plate with school and everything else but don't let it bury you.  I can sympathize, our twins were born just after my surgical internship began.  I don't really remember anything from that year but, we did survive.

waterlilybarb

Welcome Back!

It's so nice that you had such a good trip and got to spend time with all your old friends.  Glad you survived the long shifts and all that entails.  Nice to have you back with us.

studiojek

So, who's back to real life and work today after the holidays? I still have another 2 days off, then Im back full time...arrrrgh! I like my job a lot but coming back after a long break is always hard on the soul!

cshapiro

I know this is an old topic but I think it needs further comment.  The world needs more courtesy and kindness.  People need to be raised to help people in need and have proper manners.  I think it is important to hold the door for people and say thank you and please.  When it snows my kids are always out helping people shovel because that is what you do when you see someone that needs help.  As for it creating expectations, well, if an elderly, ill person ends up with some expectations of some help it isn't wrong.   That's the point.  It should be expected to help people in need.  
Bala, I don't want to pick on you but you speak about wanting a girlfriend and being sensitive to the needs of others is what a relationship is all about.  If you want to have a relationship your mindset has to change to "what I can do for you".  The most important thing to have in any relationship is respect.  You need to treat any partner with total respect.  I have been married 20 years now and I am always looking for ways to make my wife's life easier and for things to make her happy.  Sometimes I'm not at home a lot so I have to find ways to show her that I want to be with her even when I can't.  Every time I travel alone for work, I send a letter(not email) from wherever I go, to show I miss her.  Usually I get home before the letter but it doesn't matter.  The best gifts are the ones that have no special reason because they show how much you care.

[ Last edited by cshapiro at 1-6-2009 03:19 ]

serena75

Quote:

Originally posted by waterlilybarb at 30/12/2008 15:11  
Hello Mel!  Hope you're enjoying your first holidays as a Mrs.   I also hope you're feeling heaps better from that bug you had and are able to enjoy the time off.

I'm still in my pjs, but I still h ...

I'm not saying that we shouldn't help each other, but I was just thinking... would you feel the same way if it was a girl living next door?

shinny

Studio, I'm not back until Wednesday and I'm really not looking forward to it !! Back to reality. I think if I loved what I was doing, then I wouldn't mind.

shinny

That's very sweet. I'm sure your wife really appreciates it.

shinny

Well, I know my parents never made any exceptions between us girls and my brothers. If someone needed help, we all helped !!

serena75

That sounds great, shinny
I have three brothers, and my parents never made any exceptions between us either, but I sometimes feel that we do have different expectations on each other, for different reasons (not just gender).

serena75

It really warms my heart that you care for your wife the way you do

shinny

Yeh, I know what you mean.

waterlilybarb

Yes, I would feel the same.  I was expected to help others when I was a teen, and I'm happy I did.  If I saw the neighbours had a daughter out shovelling rather than a son, I would know she was old enough & strong enough to do that kind of work - as I was when younger.  I mentioned the boy because that is what I have living next door.

Reply 2631#2631 cshapiro's post

Well said!  Your children will appreciate the helping spirit they have been taught, as well as the sense of feeling good about themselves as they do what they can to assist others.  And I'm sure your wife appreciates your thoughtfulness.

imarielle626

Hi everyone!  I'm not fully caught up yet, but I just wanted to pop by and say Hello.  I just got back to school today after a very nice break.  I helped a few of my friends escape the Northeastern cold and stay with me in sunny south florida for break Seriously though this was one of the warmest winters i've seen in Miami in a long time!  I actually wore shorts almost everyday!  I hated it!  I love florida winters because they are usually the perfect tempertaure to just hang out outside.  This was like summer!  Okay I'll stop complaining now because I know you all are dealing with shoveling snow and such and I'm complaining about it being too hot I guess that's just global warming for us the cold is getting colder and the hot is getting hotter.

Well I should get to sleep now.  Classes start in the morning (well afternoon becuase I worked my schedule to not have a class before 1 in the afternoon.  The only downside is somedays i'm in class until 7 but it's better than waking up at 7!)

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays and is having a great start to 2009!  Can you believe we are almost a decade into the millenium?  I swear 2000 was not that long ago! lol